InsaneJournal

heeee
While browsing my hard drive, I came across this. XD

Things Davy Gudgeon Is No Longer Allowed to Do

1. I am no longer allowed to use the words “dragon” and “cat” in the same sentence.
1a. Or the words “dragon” and “interbreed.”
1b. Or any other form or synonym of “interbreed.”

2. Dragons do not make good pets.
2a. Neither does the Giant Squid.
2b. Neither does anything else that can eat humans whole.
2c. Neither does anything studied in Care of Magical Creatures.
2d. Actually, I am not allowed to have any pets.

3. No matter how well I can do an Australian accent, I am not going to grow up to be Steve Irwin.

4. My girlfriend is too young for slinky red dresses.
4a. It doesn’t matter that I was kidding.
4b. I’m too young to be thinking about slinky red dresses, anyway.

5. No matter how much I deserve one, I don’t actually have a bed in the Hospital Wing on reserve.
5a. And I am not allowed to call ahead and make reservations.
5b. Especially if those reservations are for other people.

6. Not allowed to taunt the Slytherins anymore. It’s only fun until I get a broken nose.
6a. On second thought, it’s not fun at all, it’s stupid, and I shouldn’t do it.
6b. Not even if they give me the perfect opening to do so.
6c. Especially if they give me the perfect opening to do so.

7. I am not allowed to practice with the bludgers by myself.
7a. Or with Devon.
7b. Especially not with Devon.

8. I am not allowed to give Devon relationship advice.
8a. Actually, I’m not allowed to give Devon any advice.
8b. I’m not allowed to give anyone any advice about anything.
8c. I also shouldn’t accept advice from Devon.
8d. Or Dai.
8e. Or Lukas. Lukas doesn’t give advice about anything except Quidditch anyway.

9. I’m not allowed to have a tea party with the Whomping Willow.
9a. Nor is the Whomping Willow a “ruddy brilliant” location for a tea party.
9b. I can’t play catch with the Whomping Willow, either.
9c. The Whomping Willow is nobody’s friend.
9d. No, the Whomping Willow is not lonely.

10. Not allowed to make comments to the Gryffindors regarding grooming and wet fur.

11. Experiments involving dung bombs are not allowed.
11a. Experiments involving anything one could purchase at Zonko’s are not allowed.
11b. In fact, no experiments are allowed at all.

12. Not allowed to trade anything, except official wizarding currency, for anything.
12a. Including Especially siblings.
12b. If I can’t buy it in a store, I can’t trade anything for it, not even official wizarding currency.

13. No purposefully hitting bludgers at the Hufflepuff quidditch team’s captain during practice.
13a. “He needs to practice his dodging skills” is not an acceptable excuse.
13b. Neither is “my girlfriend told me to.”
13c. Neither is “I just felt like it.”
13d. Neither is “I need practice hitting them at a moving target.”

14. Dorcas Meadows won’t get you and your little dog too, so I am to stop suggesting that she will.

15. Suggesting I was dropped on my head at birth is not an acceptable excuse for any misbehaviour.
15a. Even if it did get me out of detention.
15b. Twice.
15c. Even if my brother insists that it really did happen.
15d. Twice.

16. Telling either Thomas Catchlove or Edgar Bones that I saw his younger sister snogging her respective Yule Ball date is not funny.
16a. Especially since both girls are better able to kill me than either of their brothers.
16b. As are both girls’ friends.

17. Not allowed to test whether or not dragons eat anyone slowly.
17a. Not allowed to test whether anything that can eat humans whole eat anyone slowly, as it violates #11b.

18. Not allowed to speak Korean anymore.
18a. Not even if my girlfriend tells me exactly what to say.

19. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to any school function.
19a. Nor is it an appropriate date to any function anywhere, at school or elsewhere.

20. Not allowed to wrestle the Giant Squid.
20a. In fact, not allowed to do anything to or with the Giant Squid at all.

21. Gryffindor does not have a problem with fleas.

22. Any comments regarding Lucius Malfoy and a pimp stick are strictly forbidden.
22a. As are any comments regarding Bellatrix Black and whips, chains, and / or leather.
22b. Under penalty of a very slow, painful death.

23. Not allowed to do anything that would guarantee my untimely death.
23a. Also not allowed to do anything to prove I’m a bigger idiot than my brother.
23b. Especially not if I’m positive I’ll succeed.

24. My brain will not explode simply from studying too much.
24a. Or implode, for that matter.
24b. Any pondering of the sound an exploding brain would make is strictly unallowed.
24c. As are any experiments to determine the sound, see #11b.

25. Professor Weyland is not a vampire.
25a. Even though that was his costume to the Masquerade Ball.
25b. Even though the Masquerade Ball wasn’t much of a ‘masquerade.’
25c. Even though he disappears mysteriously for whole weekends and has a huge creepy stone house out in the middle of nowhere.
25d. None of the professors are any kind of non-human, and that is final.

26. Nobody has ever died of too much homework.
26a. No, I am not allowed to find an exception to that rule.

27. Nikolas Baptiste is just protective of his cousin, he is not “ensuring the purity of the bloodline.”
27a. Neither are Regulus and Narcissa Black.

28. There is more to inventing a new potion than simply dumping a bunch of ingredients into a cauldron and seeing what happens.
28a. I am not allowed to let first years try the results.
28b. Not even if I pay them for it. This violates #12.
28c. Not even if they pay me. This violates #12, as well.
28d. Not even if it’s for free.
28e. Actually, I’m not allowed to let any students, of any year, try the results, whether it’s for free or not.

29. Waving my wand and yelling random Latin words is not how to create a new spell.

30. Ink is intended for writing or drawing on parchment, no other use.

31. “You would have to be stupid to try that” is not intended as a challenge.
31a. Nor is it to be taken that way.
31b. Even Especially if that was the intent.
31c. In fact, nothing anyone says is to be taken as a challenge.
31d. Especially if that was the intent.

32. Bets involving any act that would cause Ji-Eun to facepalm are not allowed.
32a. Bets involving any act that I would not do in front of my younger sister are also not allowed.
32b. In fact, any act – bet or otherwise – that I would not do in front of my younger sister are not allowed.

33. I do not have the power to trade my soul to anyone for any good or service. This violates #12.
33a. Nor do I have the power to trade anyone else’s soul to anyone for any good or service. This also violates #12.

34. Wearing green does not automatically make Professor McGonagall evil.

35. Offering catnip to Mrs. Norris is not a good way to avoid detention.
35a. Even though it worked.
35b. Twice.

36. Offering to trade Bertha Jorkins to the Slytherins in exchange for the points she lost Hufflepuff is not a good idea. This violates #12.
36a. Even if most of the rest of the house agrees.

37. Not allowed to add “in accordance with prophesy” to anything said to Sibyll Trelawney.

38. The phrase “it is easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission” no longer applies to me.

39. Not allowed to wear a dress to any school function.
39a. Or for any purpose at all.
39b. No matter how smashing my legs might look in a dress.
39c. Skirts are also not allowed.

40. A naked quidditch match is not a brilliant tactic.
40a. I am not to suggest one to Lukas.
40b. Especially if the reason I am suggesting it is to see how many different shades of red Lukas’ face can turn.

41. If the thought of anything makes me laugh for more than 15 seconds, I am to assume I am not allowed to do it.
41a. The same goes for girlish giggling.

42. Crucifixes do not ward off Slytherins.
42a. I am not to test this, as it violates #11b.

43. Even though I am a prefect, I must have a justifiable reason for removing house points.
43a. “He / she looked at me funny” is not a justifiable reason.
43b. Neither is “he / she is a git.”

44. When summoned to a professor’s office, the proper thing to say would be “You wanted to see me sir / ma’am?” not “Whatever it is, I didn’t do it.”
44a. “You can’t prove a thing” is not an acceptable greeting, either.

45. No part of the school uniform is edible.
45a. Even if something edible has been put on the uniform.
45b. Not allowed to cast any spells on any part of the school uniform to make it edible.

46. Olde English is not appropriate for any homework assignments.
46a. Or exams.
46b. Nor is any language I make up.
46c. Nor is any language anyone else made up.
46d. The only language allowed on homework assignments and exams is standard modern British English.

47. Starting History of Magic assignments with “Once Upon a Time” is not allowed.

48. Playing “hide-and-seek” with Mrs. Norris is not a fun after-curfew game.

49. “Devon did it” is not an acceptable excuse for anything.
49a. Neither is “Dai did it.”
49b. Neither is “Peeves did it.”
49c. Neither is “I’ve done it before and not gotten in trouble.”

50. Peeves is not a good role model.

51. Not allowed to name or rename anything or anyone.
51a. Especially if it belongs to someone else.

52. Not allowed to take my broomstick and attempt to fly up the stairs to the girls’ dormitories.
52a. Especially if it really does work.




Ahhh, I miss him. He was one of my favorite male characters that I've played.

Also, I'd made this list before I saw the "Things I'm Not Allowed to Do At Hogwarts" list (which this icon is from). It was more inspired by Skippy's List than that one. XD