InsaneJournal

so
The state of the headspace tonight.

Marlene:

Marlene is depressed. It's kind of too bad that psychiatric therapy at that time was mostly of the "hey, let's electrocute you and see if it fixes things! :D" line than the "let's sit down and talk about your feelings and oh, here, have some drugs" one, because that girl could seriously use some modern therapy. This has been building for a while now, ever since traineepocalpyse in July. The talking-to the trainees got from her dad was sort of the tipping point. Yeah, she bounced back from that all right, but knowing that she disappointed her father kind of shook her up. Unlike Ro, Alex, and Will, who seemed to go out of their way to find community service that would be the opposite of fun for them, Marly went for something that would a.) keep her busy, and b.) be something that she would want to put her time into, because she figured that the community would prefer having someone who's actually trying and doing the work and wanting to learn it than someone who's just there because they have to be. And so she went with the charity that I made up as the wizarding version of Habitat for Humanity. Building houses? Yeah, that'd keep her busy and active, and she thinks it's kinda cool.

But then King's Cross happened, and it's been a downward spiral since then. Marly has always liked being in control. tbh, she's probably a bit bossy when she's herself. She's the oldest, the one who took it upon herself to watch out for her little sisters. She joined the Auror programme and joined the Order because she wants to protect people and save people, and that's like the ultimate form of being in control, to her. And then Barty imperio'd her and forced her to do something that was absolutely against her very nature (crucio someone else), and she was completely lacking control of her own self. The talking-to she got from Moody in the hospital helped some, in that it helped her refocus, but she's just never recovered from that complete lack of control and being forced to do what she did. And ever since then, she's been convinced that Barty Jr was a DE. Nearly four months she suspected / knew, before he was arrested. And why was he arrested? Because he killed somebody: her friend's father. The entire time that she knew that Meredith was dating Barty, Marly wanted to say something to her, to warn her that her boyfriend might not be all that she (Mere) thought he was.

This brings up another of Marly's bad habits: at the same time that she wants to protect the world, she feels like it's her fault if something bad happens and she could have somehow prevented it but didn't. She believes she should have tried harder to warn Mere or get Barty arrested sooner. Yes, she's taking Mr Watkins' death on as her own fault. She really takes the quote in her userinfo to heart.

That was the third tipping point. After the second tipping point (King's Cross), she went into a string of reckless activity. Like going out and getting drunk and nearly getting raped after an argument with her sister. Which, btw, is another sign of this downward spiral that she's been locked into since King's Cross: she's pushing people away. With Alex, Will, Ro, and Effie, she's thinking of it as avoiding them so that she doesn't have to lie to them. She doesn't really have an excuse for why she's pulling away from her friends within the Order, like Lils and the Marauders and everyone. I don't think she's even trying to make excuses for it.

At least she hasn't hit that final frontier when she stops caring about everything: she's still clinging to Auror training and to the Order, even though the combination of the two is part of what's driving her depression, because she's aware that without them, she has nothing.

Like I said above, she needs therapy. Lots of it. :( She's just not in a good place right now, and she needs something to bump her back into life. Unfortunately, given everything that's coming up within the next few months ... that's probably not happening soon.



Alice:

Alice is finally getting past the Absolutely Petrified stage of "omg I'm going to be a mom ... shit this is bad timing" (only, of course, minus the "shit" because Alice does not curse ever) and into the "omg I'm going to be a mom!!!! :D" stage. She's still a bit D: about Baby Longbottom's timing, considering the war and the fact that her husband just locked up a Death Eater and that they're both vigilantes, but the :D is starting to take over and knock the D: out and hide it in faraway corners. In a few months, the "omg I'm going to be a mom ... what if I completely suck at it?!" will kick in, which will be even more fun. Jamie & Kaitlin, expect Alice to go to Andy & Fee a lot for reassurance that she will not, in fact, fail as a mother.

In all, though, despite the war and everything D: going on, Alice is rather happy in my head right now. She's nothing if not optimistic, so it's hard for her to really stay down for long. She's much more of a shiny happy person, even in the face of war.



Persephone:

Persephone is very ... unhappy right now. She has Florence haunting her and driving her even more crazy than she already is (or just a different kind of crazy), she has the Inner Circle forbidding vendettas, she has her evil wench of a mother trying to marry her off to someone (again!), Barty went and got himself arrested over something as stupid as love (and part of her D: over that is the fact that he never got to try out the poison she sent him for Christmas), Patrice took away her cat so that she couldn't torture & kill it, etc etc. She's really starting to unravel, and February will definitely be her swan song.



AJ:

AJ is very seriously considering moving to Canada. Or, well. She really likes the way Cally put it: an extended visit. She just knows that she has to get out of this environment. She's utterly terrified. She's already lost both of her parents to this war, and her blood isn't exactly going to keep her safe. And Guy's death really shook her professionally, because she was sitting on this letter from someone who thinking their roommate might be a death eater, and she was already nervous enough about that letter, so the fact that the DEs are killing the media just terrifies her. It doesn't matter to her that nobody at the paper but the EiC knows that she's the Agony Aunt, she's positive that they'd be able to find out.

She will be moving. Or taking an extended visit. She just needs to finish coming to that decision with more certainty. Right now, the idea of just packing up and heading off for places unknown scares her, but at least part of that is because she's afraid that even if there's something to come back to when the war is over, some of her friends will be gone. Which, also given upcoming events in the game, is definitely going to be true.



Lexi:

Lexi is feeling like the worst friend ever. She has no idea what to say to Meredith about her dad or about Barty, and she feels bad about crushing on her boss when there's so much else going on. She's also dragging her feet about going to the Ministry. Part of it is a new fear of the Diagon area, but she's also sort of afraid of not finding anything. As long as she hasn't been to the Ministry to see if her birth certificate is on record, there's still the possibility that she'll be able to find them. If she goes and they have nothing, then that's it, she doesn't know where to go from there.

And, of course, there's her massive crush on her boss. Kaitlin and I have discussed Fee noticing Lexi crushing on Paul at the wedding on Saturday and saying something to him, so hopefully things will start moving forward on that front. It's been fun playing unrequited crushing, but I'd be interested in seeing Paul's thoughts on things if told that his cute little receptionist / assistant has the hots for him.



Doyle:

Is still dealing with going furry three nights a month. Kate, I think I'm going to say that he's going to start going to that support group (PAWS? is that what it's called?) this week. I think that should help him, because he is srsly no fun to play when he's depressed. He might even next month get one of those ministry-okayed jobs, depending on how PAWS (or whatever it's called) goes. Oh, and Wolfsbane crew: he would totally be down for being a test subject. Anything that might cure him or at least make those three nights more bearable, please!

He has pretty much accepted that he can't get away with stealing anymore, but he's still practicing his counterfeiting, especially since he can't really use his right arm, so he's having to sort of relearn everything with his left arm. And, sorry Kate, but he's working on making himself a new set of lockpicks. NOT THAT HE EVER EXPECTS TO USE THEM. But they're his security blanket. He needs them. And who knows, after the events of the coming month, a good set of lockpicks might come in handy.



Tiberius:

Being so new, he hasn't quite yet carved out his own All-His-Own space in my headspace, but he's doing fairly well at the moment. You know, aside from the fact that the Minister is passing legislation without running it past the Wizengamot (what are they there for, then?!) and covering it up by just calling it "rules" and "priviledges" and stuff like that. He's still sore that she and Crouch Sr never brought the unforgivables thing before the Wizengamot, because while Tiberius isn't so naive as to think it would have been stopped completely, they might have at least gotten it down to just the AK, because while that's bad, it at least serves a reasonable purpose, whereas crucio and imperio don't.

I don't think I've really gotten this out there clearly or not, but he's also vaguely borderline alcoholic. He drinks a lot, and the family company certainly isn't helping with that vice. Of course, he would laugh off any suggestions that he might possibly be drinking too much. He's sort of semi-aware of it and deliberately tries not to drink too much when out with other people. And, unlike Thomas and Eric (and Marly, who is also turning borderline), he doesn't really have a reason to turn to the bottle (Thomas: losing his sister in the war & the use of his leg; Eric: being left at the altar by the love of his life [after having previously been left at the altar] and her going halfway across the world with their unborn child; Marly: ... see above). For him, it's sort of more of a circumstantial thing: the firewhisky is there, and what's so wrong with a drink or two or three to unwind after work?




And that's my tl;dr for now, and also a general idea of where my characters are at. xD